New Beginnings
2011 was a tough year for me. Looking back on it from my rearview mirror as I speed away, I’m glad it’s over. What started off way back in optimistic January as a work day equally shared between time spent on my novel and time spent looking for gainful employment, slowly eroded into me juggling so many fill-in-the-gap-jobs that by October my two hours of morning writing on my novel were completely swallowed up by my game of survival — something had to give and I’m sad to say it was my own creative project, once again. Things got so busy in fact, I let my newest venture, this blog, lapse as well.
Admitting this both infuriates me and depresses me. A friend of mine, who I’ve always seen as very successful — hell, he even married his sexy boyfriend this past year — admitted that 2011 was a very tough year for him as well. He seemed to take his challenges in stride though, and dubbed 2011 not only his toughest year, but also the year that taught him the most about himself and through which he learned the most lessons. Well here it is, the end of the first week of the New Year and I’m still trying to figure out how the hell 2011 has benefited me.
The first image that popped into my head is that I feel like Heracles. Never once during 2011 did I succumbed to feeling like Sisyphus. In Greek mythology, Heracles was most famous for the Twelve “Impossible” Labours he was given to complete. Sisyphus, on the other hand was punished by the Gods for believing himself smarter than the immortals and forced to roll a huge boulder up a steep hill. Before he could reach the top, however, the massive stone would always roll back down, forcing him to begin again.
There are certainly days where I feel trapped in an eternity of useless efforts and unending frustration, especially when it comes to finishing and publishing my novel. I’ve been working on some draft form of it or another for over a decade. And yet, each time I’m pushed to the brink of giving up, I rally my strength — what Heracles was noted for — and press on despite the huge boulders rolling my way.
So, what has 2011 taught me? The most notable thing is how hard a worker I am. I’ve always chastised myself with thoughts of being lazy and unproductive, but after the sheer amount of job juggling I did last year, while still managing to meet all my deadlines and squeeze in some personal creativity, I will never buy into those negative thoughts again.
I know without a doubt, deep in my soul, that stories are my passion, my life blood, one of my true loves. I am inspired by the stories told by others, I collect them from everyone I listen to and I continue to strive to see my own shared with an audience of readers.
And finally, the hardest lesson I’ve learned, is how to ask for help from those close to me. Like Heracles I’ve always been determined to go it alone, confident in my personal strength, but even the great god of strength needed help in his Twelve Labours, whereas Sisyphus’ hubris rewarded him an eternity of fruitless work and everlasting defeat.
This early in the New Year, self-doubt still lingers and the scars from last year’s battles still ache, but I hold onto the lion’s share of my passion and continue to push forward.
Jeff Harrison
Jeff Harrison 