Pitfalls
Again, another two three weeks has zipped by between posts, even after I set myself up to continue the ideas set forth in my last post. One thing I’ve been trying very hard to do, is to start my week off with a BANG! By getting as much work done as I can in the beginning, I hoped I might have a bit more free time at the end of the week to focus on my own projects, like this blog and my own writing and heck, maybe even get back into taking the yoga classes I used to be so fond of.
A funny thing has happened along the way to accomplishing that. Well maybe not funny…I always try to find the humour in life’s pitfalls, but I have to admit that I’m drawing on the dregs of my normally optimistic view of life lately. The cracks in my rose-tinted glasses have been showing for a while and it’s been a challenge to navigate the fractured path I’ve been running down. I’ve never run a marathon physically, but I think I can certainly qualify for running one emotionally and mentally and as any athlete well knows, to stumble is to come face-to-face with your limits, but with proper training that is the threshold you face down with determination and push through to the other side towards victory. To fall though, is to invite disaster. Whether it be the minor pain of scraped knees or a more serious injury that is potentially career ending.
Because I’m fascinated by the saying: “That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.” Why are some of us able to endure an endless obstacle course of pitfalls, where others stumble and falter? Where do some us find the courage and resilience to get back up and keep going where others give up, or break under the pressure. I find this question of inner strength especially intriguing when it comes to the characters in the stories we tell. Let’s face it, most authors LOVE throwing an endless barrage of life-altering challenges at our characters — conflict makes for a compelling story. I readily admit that I have a hard time caring for a protagonist if I don’t get to see him vulnerable, break down and cry, or bleed a little.
However, if I were to look at my current spot where I’ve stumbled and fallen, I’d be saying to the author of my struggle: “Enough! I’ve had enough and I need a break, something positive, some sort of win to buoy me right now.”
I’ve been saying this for a while now. But here’s the thing: I am the author of my own story, right? So it’s up to me to create my own break in the tension, to give myself the much needed respite to reassemble my resources, rest and recharge before sallying forth for yet another battle. And is it not also me that decides whether this is a war to be fought or an adventure to be enjoyed? You bet!
What hero hasn’t gotten to the end of a long arduous quest, only to realize that it was all an elaborate way for them to see they had what it takes to win the day all along, only they were unable to see that strength until after experiencing the whole ordeal of self-discovery.
I guess that’s what makes for an inspiring climax, a triumphant end to a story that keeps us coming back and wanting more.
SPLAT!
So my first two weeks of 2012 have been less than stellar, but as they say, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Still, it’s hard to have all these ambitious goals, only to feel like a safe has been dropped on your head immediately after heading out on your merry little way to accomplish them. Am I aiming too high with my expectations? Perhaps. But I need to feel excited about what I’m setting out to do, it keeps me motivated. My challenge I’ve discovered, is not my desire to attain my goals, it’s in my follow through.
So keeping all my hang-ups in mind, something struck me when I was reading an old article (don’t ask me why I still had such an old issue kicking around–clearly my reading pile needs to be gone through). In it, Horror writer, Lee Thomas, was joking that he has more daddy issues than an Atlantic City stripper, but if he went into them too deeply he could probably just diffuse them, which would end up being bad for his work, so instead he just accepts them for what they are. Maybe I’m getting too hung up on my own issues and should just let them be, rather than trying resolve them? Perhaps the obstacles I create are good for me?
Obstacles are what shape us into who we are becoming — every writer knows this. Without obstacles, there is no conflict and without conflict there is no story. So in order for the story to be good, there has to be safes dropping on our heads and cliffs that are too high and utter failure, because that’s how we learn how to do it better next time. I think my big problem is not the too high expectations, I think it’s my utter dislike of failure. I’d honestly rather not do it at all than risk failure, but then I end up fermenting in my frustrating lack of growth. See the vicious circle I love to trap myself in?
I think Henry Ford really knew what he was talking about, but too many of his quotes apply here, so I think I’ll sum up my failed week with my current favourite quote from an unlikley source: “Even if you fall on your face, you’re still moving forward.” And really, it’s not how you get to your goal, merely that you finally get to it in the end. Right?
Jeff Harrison
Jeff Harrison 